Cole Says...For posterity's sake

Cole informed me the other day that I can't post "Cole Says...," "Eli Says...," or "Rylan Says..." posts anymore because they are all too old now.

I said, "Does that mean you don't say funny things anymore?"

He said, "I still say funny things. Only I say them on purpose, not on accident."

So in memory of my children's lost innocence, I'm going to post all the funny "my kid says..." posts that made it on Facebook but not on the blog.

02/12/2010

Eli says as we're driving past a cemetery, "Why do we put rocks on dead people?"

03/02/2010

Cole: Pardon me.

Me: Do you have any Grey Poupon?
Cole: What's Grey Poupon?
Me: mustard
Cole: What's regular poupon?

03/05/2010

Cole screamed because he lost a game. 

Me: Go to your room. 
Cole: No
Me: Go to your room and calm down.
Cole: No
Me: Go to your room or we won't play again. 
Cole: Fine. I'll go to my room...but I'm slamming the door!

11/30/2011

Rylan is walking around the house singing, "Give it to me baby. Uh huh uh huh. Give it to me baby. Uh huh uh huh." You can thank his father..

05/30/2012

How seriously do my kids take me? I said, "I only have this much patience left, and when it's gone, you're all going to bed early." Cole says, "Is it gone yet? Is it gone yet? Is it gone yet? Is it gone yet?"

06/14/2012

Something Cole said to my friend Jessica: "I'm thinking of a word that stars with f and ends with k." Jessica: "Uuuuhhh..." Me: completely mortified. Her 11-year-old son knew the answer. (fire truck)

08/06/2012

Rylan says, "For dessert, I want some frosting with cake on it."

11/29/2012

Rylan says, "We need to do the hula poops because you're a very good hula pooper."

06/11/2013

I said, "Martin Luther King Jr is one of my heroes."

Cole said, "My hero is the guy who invented Nintendo."

03/09/2013

Cole: Which do you think is better, the Malevolence or the Super Star Destroyer?

Me: I don't know what those are. 
Cole: What??? From Star Wars.
Me: Sorry.
Cole looks as if he has just lost all respect for me.

03/14/2013

From Eli, the king of puns:

Cole said, "How many periods are there in high school?"
Eli replied, "It depends on how many sentences you write."

05/13/2013

I was showing Rylan a picture of the planets and said, "But Pluto isn't a planet anymore."

Rylan: "Yeah, it's a planet of dwarves."
(He meant it's a dwarf planet.)

06/05/2013

While reading scriptures this morning, Eli read, "Father, save me from this whore." Michael corrected, "Save me from this hour. The h is silent." I couldn't stop laughing. Completely different meaning!

09/24/2013

Rylan: I can't eat my oatmeal. I don't like raisins.

Me: Then why did you put so many in your oatmeal?
Rylan: I just learned that I don't like raisins today, Mom.
Me: Well, I'm not making you something different, so your choices are eat it anyway or go hungry.
Rylan: I choose go hungry. That's my choice.

10/08/2013

Continuing the doodling conversation, I suggested that Cole doodle on scrap paper, and he said, "What if I consider homework to be scrap paper?"

11/01/2013

Cole: That doesn't make any sense.

Me: Your face doesn't make any sense.
Cole: Where did that come from?
Me: Earth. Where did you come from?
Cole: Uranus

11/15/2013

Rylan's reasoning for why he and his "girlfriend" are meant to be together: "We both have five letters in our name."

12/18/2013

Eli says, "I always thought that when you had a baby, your stomach opened up and the baby popped out and shouted, 'Cowabunga!'"

12/31/2013

Me: What do you think would make a party really fun? 

Cole: Getting to watch a movie that we're not allowed to watch.