Eli at Twelve Years Old

Eli at Twelve Years Old

• favorite color: red
• favorite food: burritos
• favorite dessert: cheesecake
• favorite thing to do: sleep in
• favorite video game: Star Wars Battle Front (PS4)
• favorite subject in school: language arts
• favorite book you read this year: The Outsiders
• favorite music this year: Ed Sheeran

What is the meaning of life?

• to return to Heavenly Father

What do you want to be when you grow up?

• an architect guy

What makes you happy?

• When I don't have to wake up early in the morning to go to school. And elephant jokes.

What are you afraid of?

• Crabs. And bad elephant jokes.

If you had one wish, what would you wish for?

• Cole to get appendicitis.

What is the funniest word?

• fard

What is the hardest thing to do?

• whistle

What is the easiest thing to do?

• eat

What is the best thing in the world?

• food

What is the worst thing in the world?

• Rylan. Wait, probably the hour and a half on the school bus.

What makes you mad?

• When the school bus is late. (What makes his mom mad is when the school bus is early...)

What is the meaning of love?

• personal space

If you had all the money in the world, what would you do with it?

• make it rain

Sibling Wars

SIBLING WAR! Answer how YOU feel about you and your siblings.

1.Who's the smartest one? Dad
2. Most spoiled? Rylan
3. Most sensitive? Rylan
4. Worst temper?  Cole
5. Most social?  Rylan is a Chatterbox
6. Most stubborn?  Cole
7. Most organized? Not Rylan!!!!!
8. Best cook?  Cole makes delicious cookies. Eli makes delicious smoothies and milkshakes.
9. Who's the funniest?  Eli
10. Who was the bad kid? Cole was the worst baby. Rylan was the best baby.
11. Who has the biggest heart?  Eli got the Team Player Award for Outstanding Cooperation at his 6th graduation. Basically, kindest student in the 6th grade. I could not have been prouder.
12. Who's the quietest? Eli
13. Who's the worst driver? Rylan is the only one who has any interest in cars.
14. Who was born 1st? Cole
15. Who is better at sports? Mom. Ha ha ha ha ha!!!!!
16. Best hair? Rylan at 6 months
17. Most kids?  Tied at zero for at least 15 more years
18. Coffee drinker? None unless they are sneaky
19. Who is loudest? Rylan
20. Who is most conservative? Cole says he is most liberal in wanting changes in the parental government.
21. Most expensive taste?  Cole currently has an obsession with buying Adidas and Nike.
22. Who's the tallest? Cole for now.

Funny Facebook 2016

November 25 ·

Rylan, ordering at a restaurant: "I'd like the kids chicken ravioli. Can you tell me about the special sides? Okay, I'll do the French fries, and I'll have the 1% low fat chocolate milk."

Server: "Wow, that was impressive."

I think the kid has been out to eat a few more times than I had at his age.



October 2 ·

After eating buckeyes, Cole says, "If someone were to call me on the phone right now and ask me who shot Alexander Hamilton, I'd be like, 'Awun Buh! Awun Buh!'" #gotmilk



September 6 ·

Me: My legs hurt.
Rylan: Maybe you're getting polio.



July 28 ·

Me, complaining about having to shave my legs
Eli: Why do girls shave their legs?
Me: Because apparently boys like girls' legs better when they're shaved.
Eli: I do? I didn't know that about myself. I'm always learning new things about myself.



June 23 ·

Rylan's response when I asked if I should go running even though it looks like rain: "Yes, because YOLO."



June 17 ·

Rylan telling us about his book Uranus and the Bubbles of Trouble: "Cronos chopped up Uranus and threw the pieces in the ocean." Lots of little boy giggles, including mine.



April 16 ·

The Art of the Insult:
Me: These towels smell like they need to be re-washed.
Eli: YOU smell like you need to be re-washed.
#makeamotherproud



March 23 ·

Rylan says: "I showed Ms. Leonard a noise I can make, and she said, 'I don't know how your mom can handle three boys.'"



February 3 ·

This just happened.
Rylan: What is 29 × .24?
Me: That's too complicated to do in my head.
Cole: It would be... (spouts off a couple of numbers, adds them in his head)...6.96

January 30 ·

Me: Wanna hear a funny joke? Why did Adele cross the road? To sing "hello from the other side."
Rylan: It's not that funny.



January 13 ·

Cole: Cookout always makes me sick. I love it and think it's wonderful and won't stop eating it, but I always feel sick afterward. #storyofmylife

Orange Belts

Eli and Rylan earned their orange belts in tae kwon do in June.

Funny Facebook 2015

December 6, 2015 ·

All of our stuff is in boxes, we have no wifi, virtually camping out in the basement of our new house while the renovations are finished. Eli says, "I can't believe I'm saying this, but I wish the weekend would be over so I can go back to school and have something to do."




October 29, 2015 ·

Cole: Stay out of it!
Eli: You were talking about me!
Cole: I was using you as evidence to support my point of view!
#sonofanenglishteacher




October 28, 2015 ·

Me: Who should I invite to my birthday party?
Rylan: Ms. Leonard? (His school teacher)
Me: Ms. Leonard isn't my friend.
Rylan: Mom. Anyone can be your friend.




September 21, 2015 ·

Me: "Stop using so much sour cream. It's a condiment, like catsup."
Boys: "What did you call it?"
Me: "Catsup."
Boys: "It's ketchup. Do you also call it mastard? And Myricle Whip? And reliesh?"



June 30, 2015 ·

On Sunday, we had the missionaries over for dinner. Cole kept interrupting their lesson to talk about cookies, so I whispered, "Stop making irrelevant comments." He whispered back, "Cookies are always relevant."




May 14, 2015 ·

Explaining why he's not embarrassed to be in a ballet elective at school, Rylan said, "I'm trying to show that there are no such things as boy things and girl things...except for vaginas."




April 21, 2015 ·

Cole: I am maturer than you.
Eli: Well at least I'm betterer at grammarer.



April 14, 2015 ·

Cole: Why does Uranus have rings?
Eli: My anus doesn't.



March 26, 2015 ·

The doctor suggested to Cole that he give up video games to get over his insomnia. Cole said he'd rather just be tired.




March 23, 2015 ·

Rylan: What's in the soup?
Me: Peppers, tomatoes, corn
Rylan: I don't like any of those things!
Me: I know. I put them in to torture you.
Rylan: Well then I'm going to torture you by not eating them.




February 18, 2015 ·

Cole: Rylan, why do you have to burp all the time? I never burp.
Eli: Yeah, and I haven't farted since 1987.




January 19, 2015 ·

Me: I need to buy you a messkit for camping?
Cole: You need to buy me a musket?

January 9, 2015 ·

Me: Common Sense Media gives the movie a 9+, so I guess we better wait until Rylan is a little older.
Eli: Does it have shooting in it or something?
Me: No, I think kissing.
Eli: Eew. Then it's not appropriate for any of us.

My favorite holiday!*

*As Cole would say, that is verbal irony.

Here are this year's trick-or-treaters:



The Mormon Missionary


The Zombie


The 10th Doctor


While we were out trick-or-treating, the 10th Doctor found his Tardis.



The boys got their first taste of suburban trick-or-treating (which I guess makes us terrible parents since this is likely Cole's last year going trick-or-treating). Some friends invited us down to Holly Springs to trick or treat in their neighborhood. By the time we were done, the boys' pumpkins were overflowing, and they were so tired that we actually passed a bunch of candy-giving houses on the way back to our friends' house.
Several of the houses went all out on the decorating, and some had these cool screens in their windows. I could almost be sold on Halloween decorating if I had one of these screens.

Eli is Ten

Eli at Ten Years Old

• favorite color: red
• favorite food: burritos
• favorite dessert: cheesecake
• favorite thing to do: play video games
• favorite video game: Pokemon (DS)
• favorite subject in school: writing
• favorite book series: Percy Jackson

What is the meaning of life?

• To return to Heavenly Father

What do you want to be when you grow up?

• a geologist

What makes you happy?

• When I hear a funny joke. Fat llamas.

What are you afraid of?

• Spiders.

If you had one wish, what would you wish for?

• A billion dollars.

What is the funniest word?

• ukulele

What is the hardest thing to do?

• Fly

What is the easiest thing to do?

• Breathe

What is the best thing in the world?

• my parents

What is the worst thing in the world?

• monsters

What makes you mad?

• When my brothers are mean to me.

What is the meaning of love?

• getting married

If you had all the money in the world, what would you do with it?

• buy my own company

Goofballs

The Latest and Greatest in Extracurricular Activities

Soccer season came and went without me taking a single photograph. Have I mentioned how much I hate soccer season? And it has only gotten worse since I started working....

In October, all of the boys decided to try out some new sports. I found a super inexpensive tae kwon do class for Rylan through Raleigh Parks and Rec. Despite being the boy who loves pink and princesses, Rylan is the most physical of all of my children and loves to play fight. Tae kwon do has been a great fit for him.

This past month, since hockey ended (see below), Eli decided to try out tae kwon do also. After his first class, I said, "How was it?"

He shrugged, which is his way of saying he doesn't really want to tell me.

"Harder than you thought it would be?"

"I guess."

"You think you owe Rylan a little respect now?"

"I guess," which is his way of saying definitely but I don't want to admit it.


Meanwhile back at the ranch, Cole and Eli got to try out ice hockey through the Boys and Girls Club. Needing more kids for their hockey team, the director of the Boys and Girls Club practically begged the boys to join. Michael and I were excited because it was a good opportunity for them to try out for free a sport that we otherwise would not be willing to pay for.

The verdict: Eli loved it and wants to continue playing. Cole, meh.


All three boys continue to take piano lessons, and Cole and Eli have continued with percussion in their school band. Their band concert was absolutely wonderful, and I wish I had recorded some of it.

Funny Facebook 2014

October 3, 2014 ·

Rylan: "What are you doing in there?
Me: Peeing.
Rylan: For that long?
Me: Yes.
Rylan: When I go pee, it never takes that long.

I may have been hiding out in the bathroom...




October 2, 2014

Cole: I don't like stir fry. The vegetables in it are gross.
Me: Stir fry has whatever vegetables you want in it.
Cole: No, stir fry has whatever vegetables YOU want in it.

Good point...




September 29, 2014 ·

Rylan: I don't like green beans.
Me: Try putting ranch dressing on them.
Rylan: It would take ALL the ranch dressing to get me to eat green beans.




September 8, 2014 ·

Cole's description of his first hockey practice: "It just hurts a lot."



August 17, 2014 ·

Cole singing the Wizard of Oz: "Somewhere over the combination of a clear solid or a liquid and light particles..."




July 25, 2014 ·

Cole: I didn't mean to hit you with the shopping cart, but I did laugh after I did it.




July 10, 2014 ·
·
Cole to Eli: "Let's hug."
Eli to Cole: "Better not. I feel a fart coming on."



June 25, 2014 ·

Rylan just asked, "What's the name of that one restaurant? With the McFlurries?" I have mixed feelings about what this reveals about our family....




May 27, 2014 ·

Eli just shouted, "When will I get to eat this damn lollipop?"



May 9, 2014 ·

Cole: "I'm AAAIG. Academically, artistically, athletically, and intelligently gifted."
Me: "And humble."
Cole: "I know what that is...sarcasm."

Really old photos...

Cole and Eli both made the district level of the Pinewood Derby this year - Cole for speed and Eli for design.

Durham Science Museum

Eli Turned Nine...Two months ago!

Eli at Nine Years Old

• favorite color: red
• favorite food: burritos
• favorite dessert: chocomint chip cookies
• favorite thing to do: draw
• favorite video game: Lord of the Rings (Gameboy)
• favorite subject in school: writing
• favorite book: Percy Jackson and the Mark of Athena

What is the meaning of life?

• .The meaning of life is to get rich. That's what everyone wants.

What do you want to be when you grow up?

• a professional soccer player

What makes you happy?

• When I hear a funny joke.

What are you afraid of?

• Cannibals. Spiders.

If you had one wish, what would you wish for?

• Infinity more wishes.

What is the funniest word?

• Foot.

What is the hardest thing to do?

• A one-handed handstand on a fifty pound barbell with an elephant standing on your feet.

What is the easiest thing to do?

• To stay alive for 0.0000000001 seconds.

What is the best thing in the world?

• my parents

What is the worst thing in the world?

• being in jail for the rest of your life

What makes you mad?

• When Cole insults me.

What is the meaning of love?

• getting married

If you had all the money in the world, what would you do with it?

• Give it to family.

* Interview questions from Crappy Pictures

Cole Says...For posterity's sake

Cole informed me the other day that I can't post "Cole Says...," "Eli Says...," or "Rylan Says..." posts anymore because they are all too old now.

I said, "Does that mean you don't say funny things anymore?"

He said, "I still say funny things. Only I say them on purpose, not on accident."

So in memory of my children's lost innocence, I'm going to post all the funny "my kid says..." posts that made it on Facebook but not on the blog.

02/12/2010

Eli says as we're driving past a cemetery, "Why do we put rocks on dead people?"

03/02/2010

Cole: Pardon me.

Me: Do you have any Grey Poupon?
Cole: What's Grey Poupon?
Me: mustard
Cole: What's regular poupon?

03/05/2010

Cole screamed because he lost a game. 

Me: Go to your room. 
Cole: No
Me: Go to your room and calm down.
Cole: No
Me: Go to your room or we won't play again. 
Cole: Fine. I'll go to my room...but I'm slamming the door!

11/30/2011

Rylan is walking around the house singing, "Give it to me baby. Uh huh uh huh. Give it to me baby. Uh huh uh huh." You can thank his father..

05/30/2012

How seriously do my kids take me? I said, "I only have this much patience left, and when it's gone, you're all going to bed early." Cole says, "Is it gone yet? Is it gone yet? Is it gone yet? Is it gone yet?"

06/14/2012

Something Cole said to my friend Jessica: "I'm thinking of a word that stars with f and ends with k." Jessica: "Uuuuhhh..." Me: completely mortified. Her 11-year-old son knew the answer. (fire truck)

08/06/2012

Rylan says, "For dessert, I want some frosting with cake on it."

11/29/2012

Rylan says, "We need to do the hula poops because you're a very good hula pooper."

06/11/2013

I said, "Martin Luther King Jr is one of my heroes."

Cole said, "My hero is the guy who invented Nintendo."

03/09/2013

Cole: Which do you think is better, the Malevolence or the Super Star Destroyer?

Me: I don't know what those are. 
Cole: What??? From Star Wars.
Me: Sorry.
Cole looks as if he has just lost all respect for me.

03/14/2013

From Eli, the king of puns:

Cole said, "How many periods are there in high school?"
Eli replied, "It depends on how many sentences you write."

05/13/2013

I was showing Rylan a picture of the planets and said, "But Pluto isn't a planet anymore."

Rylan: "Yeah, it's a planet of dwarves."
(He meant it's a dwarf planet.)

06/05/2013

While reading scriptures this morning, Eli read, "Father, save me from this whore." Michael corrected, "Save me from this hour. The h is silent." I couldn't stop laughing. Completely different meaning!

09/24/2013

Rylan: I can't eat my oatmeal. I don't like raisins.

Me: Then why did you put so many in your oatmeal?
Rylan: I just learned that I don't like raisins today, Mom.
Me: Well, I'm not making you something different, so your choices are eat it anyway or go hungry.
Rylan: I choose go hungry. That's my choice.

10/08/2013

Continuing the doodling conversation, I suggested that Cole doodle on scrap paper, and he said, "What if I consider homework to be scrap paper?"

11/01/2013

Cole: That doesn't make any sense.

Me: Your face doesn't make any sense.
Cole: Where did that come from?
Me: Earth. Where did you come from?
Cole: Uranus

11/15/2013

Rylan's reasoning for why he and his "girlfriend" are meant to be together: "We both have five letters in our name."

12/18/2013

Eli says, "I always thought that when you had a baby, your stomach opened up and the baby popped out and shouted, 'Cowabunga!'"

12/31/2013

Me: What do you think would make a party really fun? 

Cole: Getting to watch a movie that we're not allowed to watch.

Field Trip to Oak View Farm

I was able to join Eli's class a couple weeks ago on their field trip to Oak View County Park. In the 1800s, Oak View was a cotton farm made up of several hundred acres. Now, it is only 17 acres of mostly pecan groves as well as the old farmhouse and some other buildings where the county offers educational tours about the history of North Carolina agriculture.

Superman Was Here

My favorite moments as a parent are those times when you recognize that you really like your kid. Of course you love him always and forever because you're his mother, but you also really like him as a person. You realize that as people go, he's a pretty darn cool one, and it's fun to be around him.

One day, I sat down at the computer and saw a post-it note that said, "Superman was here." I chuckled a little and then went about my business.

That night when I went to bed, there was a new note on the computer:


Sometimes that kid is funny.

That Time Eli Got Baptized

My family came down to Raleigh the first weekend in June to watch Eli get baptized. It was a small gathering of mostly family and a few close friends. Eli was the only person being baptized that day, so he got to pick the opening/closing songs and who gave the prayers. He chose Gramps and Uncle Josh for the prayers.

It was a wonderful weekend of family and good food - Josh and Jaime are welcome to cook at my house anytime. We are so proud of Eli for his decision to get baptized.

One Day I'll Find Time to Write Words

My summer classes have started. I spent approximately four hours reading my textbook today, and I still haven't caught up to where I'm supposed to be. This is going to be a crazy summer.

Wrapping Up the Year

Eli took another dance class for his elective this semester. This one was "Dance and Drama Delight" or something like that. Rather than learning specific dance moves like in his zumbatomic class, this one was about dramatizing music through dance.


Cole finished up his first year playing percussion in their school's beginning band.


Both boys are still taking piano lessons. Cole is going on four years of lessons now and is learning Bach's Minuet in G. I love to listen to him practice! Eli is going on three years and finally seems to be enjoying playing the piano. Both boys have really latched on to their current piano teacher, Mr. David. If only the piano studio wasn't so expensive and so far away from our house...